Our Daughters Hear Us. They Really Do.
This article’s been going around the
internet, and I’m sure most of you have read it, so I almost
didn’t post it here thinking it’s overkill.
But it’s also incredibly important, so I’m posting it anyway.
The article is When Your Mother Says She’s Fat and you can imagine the content. The truth is that the disparaging remarks we make about ourselves every day absolutely shape how our daughters see us – and themselves.
I haven’t always had the best self-image (shocking for a ballet dancer, I know), and this is one of the things I can honestly say I’m doing right with my daughters –at least most of the time. I want them to live better than me – to be happier in their own skins than I was. And that’s why when my daughters hear the word “diet” they think it means simply “whatever foods you eat”. As in “She eats a healthy diet,” or “Her diet includes lots of vegetables and lean protein”.
My daughters have never heard me speak disparagingly about the way I look – I don’t slam my freckles, or my (lack of) height, or the roll around my stomach that shows up when my shorts just come out of the dryer. If they see me working out and wonder why, I tell them, “To keep my body healthy and strong so it can keep up with you! Mommies don’t get gym class like you do, you know!” Whatever angst I might have about my physical appearance I save for my girlfriends, and let them help me through that. It’s not my daughters’ job to reassure me, and it’s not their right to learn how to dislike their looks from me.
Just read the article – and then see if it changes how you talk about yourself around your daughter.
And maybe even think about yourself.
But it’s also incredibly important, so I’m posting it anyway.
The article is When Your Mother Says She’s Fat and you can imagine the content. The truth is that the disparaging remarks we make about ourselves every day absolutely shape how our daughters see us – and themselves.
I haven’t always had the best self-image (shocking for a ballet dancer, I know), and this is one of the things I can honestly say I’m doing right with my daughters –at least most of the time. I want them to live better than me – to be happier in their own skins than I was. And that’s why when my daughters hear the word “diet” they think it means simply “whatever foods you eat”. As in “She eats a healthy diet,” or “Her diet includes lots of vegetables and lean protein”.
My daughters have never heard me speak disparagingly about the way I look – I don’t slam my freckles, or my (lack of) height, or the roll around my stomach that shows up when my shorts just come out of the dryer. If they see me working out and wonder why, I tell them, “To keep my body healthy and strong so it can keep up with you! Mommies don’t get gym class like you do, you know!” Whatever angst I might have about my physical appearance I save for my girlfriends, and let them help me through that. It’s not my daughters’ job to reassure me, and it’s not their right to learn how to dislike their looks from me.
Just read the article – and then see if it changes how you talk about yourself around your daughter.
And maybe even think about yourself.
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Mommy Musings
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