1m2aSandbox

When I first became pregnant with Maddie,
I had women coming out of the woodwork with advice. What to eat,
what not to eat, where to shop, whether or not to breastfeed, you
name it and there was a person with an opinion. Most topics I
expected, but I was astonished at how many women felt the need to
give me “body preservation” advice.


One client immediately wrote down the address of a store that sells
circulation hose; she advised me to start wearing them “RIGHT
AWAY” so I wouldn’t get varicose veins. Another client
was kind enough to feel my boobs and tell me to “kiss their
perkiness goodbye” unless I started sleeping in a jog bra
every night. But this paled in the number and ferocity of comments
I got about stretch marks. Every single woman I met had the
“perfect” solution for avoiding stretch marks. Being
the obsessive researcher I am, I hit the internet and got the
low-down. Want to know the most sure-fire way to avoid stretch
marks when pregnant? Here it is:

Maddie’s hit this stage where she
hears pretty much everything we say. How do I know this? She
parrots phrases she’s heard three hours ago – from a
different room – said under my breath. So we have to be
careful what we talk about around her, which means we often put off
important conversations indefinitely.


Since this is not always an option, we’ve taken to trying to
slide conversations past her. We’ll either use a polysyllabic
vocabulary and hope she doesn’t know the definitions (though
this is probably giving her a polysyllabic vocabulary!) or
we’ll try to talk fast and quietly, knowing she won’t
understand everything.


She may not know exactly what’s going on, but Maddie suspects
something’s being done and so my kiddo’s taking her own
steps to correct it.

Many of you have probably seen baby
bottles and sippy cups in the news recently; several studies have
come out questioning the safety of BPA, a chemical used to make the
polycarbonate plastic that makes up several major bottles and sippy
cups. Last week a medical journal published a study done by 38
scientists who believe BPA poses a “significant” health
risk.


As well, a federal panel of the National Institute of Health
recently said there is “some concern” the chemical
could cause behavioral and neurological problems in young
children.

My girlfriend Deb is expecting her second
child soon and had confessed in a recent email that she’s
nervous about how she’s going to handle an additional child.
I’ve been composing a reply to her in my head for the past
few weeks (usually at 2 a.m. in the morning while nursing)
that’s full of suggestions and encouragement, and it occurred
to me there may be more of you interested in this topic so here it
is. This is a two-parter – this week’s entry is about
preparing for the second child, and next week’s covers some
tips to help once the new baby arrives. And as always, this is
partly what I’ve learned and mostly great tips my girlfriends
passed on to me.

I spent some of yesterday morning playing
with Cora on her playmat; she’s in such a good mood in the
mornings and is beginning to love trying to kick and bat at the
hanging toys. Maddie and I got ready to hit the park and left Cora
having a good time as Daddy finished putting the breakfast dishes
away in the next room.


A scant sixty seconds later, I get a call on my cell phone from
Brian: “Did you leave Cora on her stomach on the
playmat?” “Of course not,” I replied indignantly.
(What am I, an amateur???) Safety concerns aside, I’d never
leave Cora on her stomach: she’s not, shall we say, a fan of
tummy time and I despair of getting in enough of it.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Maddie must be buttering me up for something really big.

Madeleine’s always been keenly interested in everything I do; first it was simply to make sure that the “things I do” included enough “pay attention to Maddie” times. But the older she got the more I realized I’m her biggest textbook for life: around nine or ten months Maddie started trying to pick things up with her feet, which, indeed, I do (and you would to if you could – it totally saves your back). Add in how I eat, drink, sit, open a door – the list is endless- and it’s a pretty heavy responsibility.

Lately, though, Maddie’s taken this imitation thing to even greater heights than before. I know part of it’s simply her age, as she starts learning how to fit into society. Part of it, too, is seeing a new dimension to her life as she watches me take care of a baby. There’s even a teeny sliver in there that’s simply her being a girl, and doing girly things.

But part of it’s simply my kid. And for that uniqueness, all I can say is, Thank God for video cameras, and I hope I get her to sign a waiver before she can read.

Last fall, a girlfriend of mine gave birth
to an adorable little girl. When O was about ten weeks old, my
friend emailed me in a panic: “She doesn’t have any
routine I can figure out! Should I start trying to make her stick
to a schedule? What am I going to do about her sleep
habits???” From my non-sleep-deprived position, I could
clearly see that this was all part of new babyness and nothing to
worry about; I emailed her back with an encouraging pep talk,
reminding her that O was going to grow into a routine soon enough
and nothing she was doing now would ruin that.


Then about a week ago I started to have that same panic –
it’s been over two months! When is this screaming machine
going to settle down and be predictable! What can I do! I’m
ruining her for life by not forcing a schedule! I can’t stop
talking in exclamation points! And I swear, I almost emailed this
exact same girlfriend for advice. Because it’s all about
distance: the further back you are, the easier it is for you to see
what’s going on and stay calm.